Attachment parenting: “this style of parenting emphasises forming physical and emotional infant-parent bonds through designated “tools.” These tools are designed to promote maximal empathy, responsiveness, and physical touch.”
A few examples of these tools include baby wearing (using a baby carrier), bedsharing and breastfeeding on demand. The goal is to create a strong emotional bond between parent and child, which is thought to promote the child’s social and emotional development.
Before becoming a mum, I knew absolutely nothing about attachment parenting. I hadn’t even heard of it! In my mind, you had a baby, they slept in their cots when they were tired and they would only want to latch when hungry. Poor, foolish, misinformed Naomi. You knew NOTHING 😂
Well, in fairness to myself, I was just making those assumptions based off of what I was told and what I’d seen on the TV.
When my daughter was born, she took to breastfeeding straight away which was absolutely wonderful. But holy hell, I was NOT prepared for the reality of exclusively breastfeeding. For around 4 weeks she was latching every 20/30 minutes, day AND night. She was cluster feeding… What on gods green earth was cluster feeding!? Luckily, I am someone who researches everything until I feel like I’m completely informed (because who can argue with facts!?), so I quickly learned all about the different challenges of breastfeeding and happily accepted them, knowing the benefits would certainly outweigh having to go through the hard periods. I’m very proud to say that we are still going strong almost 9 months later.
Initially I was exhausted. Happy, overwhelmed with love and grateful to be able to breastfeed, but exhausted nonetheless. This led to those around me starting to question my choices:
You should introduce a bottle/formula, you need to sleep
She can’t be hungry again, she’s just fed
Are you sure she’s hungry? She’s just using you for comfort. You should give her a dummy.
Now I know these things were always said with the best intentions, I don’t doubt that for a second, but they were unhelpful and at times really disheartening. I was going through such an unknown time, navigating so many changes to both my body and my mind, and all I wanted was support and encouragement. I was choosing to exclusively breastfeed because this is what felt normal and natural to me, I was choosing to push through the sleepless nights… But because it goes against the ‘norm’ in our society, it felt like I was constantly having to justify myself.
At around 5 weeks old, my daughter was still refusing to sleep in her next 2 me crib. I had tried for 5 whole weeks to get her to sleep in there because that’s what I thought I HAD to do. It felt completely unnatural to me. I never let her cry so I was picking her up at least 20 times a night. I was so sleep deprived – I hallucinated that I’d dropped her at 2am in the morning, frozen still in bed screaming whilst my husband tried to reassure me that she was safe in my arms. I couldn’t see her, I couldn’t feel her, I’d convinced myself she was on the floor but I couldn’t move. She was in fact sound asleep in my arms, and the next morning I knew something had to change. This was not normal, nor healthy.
I started researching bedsharing, something I’d never even considered prior. I found an incredible community online for those who encouraged biologically normal infant sleeping. Breastfeeding mothers sharing a sleep space with their infant is biologically normal behaviour and is common across many parts of the world. It’s only fairly recently that the Western world chose to train babies to sleep alone, and I can’t for the life of me understand why. The majority of adults hate sleeping alone, so why do we expect a tiny, vulnerable human to be able to do it without waking in the night!? It baffles me. But that’s a discussion for another day…
My daughter is now 8 months old and she still sleeps with me, much to the disapproval of some. Apparently she should be in her own room by now.
I’m often told what I “should” be doing. I should be putting her in her own sleep space. I should be having some time away from her. I should be taking her to groups and classes. The opinions are endless. But who says what we SHOULD be doing? Shouldn’t we be doing what we believe is right for our child? If mum and baby are both happy and healthy, why do other people make it their concern?
It’s clear to me that we live in a society that prioritises convenience when it comes to parenting and I can absolutely understand why. We are expected to work full time, parent full time and still have a social life – it’s almost impossible. So, those who try and keep up with all that will inevitably choose convenience as and when possible. There is nothing wrong with that and everyone should be free to make parenting choices that enrich them, just as I should be able to do.
I long await the day mothers are able to make their choices and set their boundaries without endless unsolicited advice, because who does that really benefit? The mum who’s just doing what she feels is right for her and her child, or the person with the burning need to get their opinions off their chest?
The Unseasoned Mother 