I was often told “you can’t truly appreciate what being a parent is like until you’ve experience it for yourself” and honestly, I was naive enough to think that I could possibly imagine the feeling of being a mum. I was a mum to my house rabbit Dusty, and that’s got to be pretty similar, right?.. HA. Silly me!
Before I start my ramblings, I’d just like to preface this by saying that my daughter is only just approaching 7 months old and is my first (and likely only) child, so I’m not the most seasoned mother. Undoubtedly I will have so much more to learn and experience over the next 20/30 years. That being said, I still have a lot to say.
I’ve never really been a maternal person. I didn’t play with dolls growing up, I never dreamt of having a family of my own and I was the person who rolled their eyes at noisy children in restaurants (sorry mamas, I just wanted to eat in peace!) So, when I found out I was pregnant, I was surprised at the instant change within me – it’s like something just clicked and I started to finally get it – ‘this is something incredibly unique and precious’.
I absolutely loved being pregnant. Knowing that I was growing a tiny little human that was half me, half my husband, felt surreal. I started to overthink EVERYTHING. Can I eat this? Can I sit like that? Will googling every single thing I can possibly think of affect my mental health? (The answer was yes, by the way. I now have a love hate relationship with google). I was obsessed. From day one of finding out about our little bean to this very moment, I’ve been utterly consumed with love.
I’ve experienced every single emotion possible since becoming a mum. Shock, exhaustion, love, joy and anxiety, all of which I expected to feel. What I didn’t expect, however, was the intense vulnerability that I now live with every single day. To be so in love with something, more than I ever thought physically possible, is admittedly quite scary. I would do anything for my daughter, and I literally mean anything. Sometimes that thought makes me uncomfortable. Will I feel like this forever?
I’m not sure if it’s a feeling that ever settles down, I’m sure I’ll find that out as she grows, but for now it’s a new feeling I’m trying to navigate the best I can.
The Unseasoned Mother 